“Shit!” The white-coated bees went frantic. Paddles were placed against a sodden, red chest. “Clear!” The figure curled upward, then flopped back down on the table. “Damn it, Robert,” one of the bees moaned. “Stay with me. Stay with me.” Robert found himself crashing downwards, back into the bleeding and broken figure. ‘No!’ he said and floated free. ‘I don’t want this. Let me go.’
He moved freely among frantic doctors, feeling eerily peaceful and calm as he watched himself die. Mangled, bloody fingers slowly uncurled and released him further. He felt himself moving away.
“Robert?”
He looked up. His friend, Della, stood in the emergency room, smiling up at him.
He started in surprise. “Della? Is that you?”
She smiled. “Yes and no. I’m here to find out if you would like to leave now.” She reached out her hand, took it gently and looked down at it.
“Oh, God.” Robert exhaled, hugged the woman. “Oh, God. When did you die?”
Della smiled again and looked at Robert’s broken body, lying on the table. She had a job to do and not much time in which to do it. “Della isn’t dead,” she explained. “I’m her guide, and yours. You two are joined by the circumstances of your lives. I’m here for you – if you’d like to go.”
“Go where?” He looked up and saw light. He remembered reading about these types of experiences: white lights, tunnels. He wondered if that was next. He pointed to the light. “There?”
“Yes, there.”
“Take me there, Della. I want to see it. Can I change my mind?” He looked back at the remains of himself, lying there in a pile of gore and blood. He wasn’t sure he’d want to change his mind, but he wasn’t ready to make a decision yet.
Della walked towards the light, Robert in tow behind her. They walked slowly, towards the tunnel Robert knew he would see. It was soft, not black but a quiet blue. It made itself welcome. They entered and walked along the pathway at its base. “So,” Robert said. “Is this where I see my life flashing, all my friends and enemies?”
Della laughed. The sound reminded Robert of tinkling bells. “Only if you want to. It’s up to you.”
“No, then,” Robert decided. “Let’s just get to where we’re going.” He followed Della through the tunnel and into a wide, light space. He stood at the bank of a small river, the water flowing like diamonds underneath a small bridge. The bridge was wooden and warm. He saw others on the other side, but didn’t recognize them. He looked back at Della, who still held his hand in hers.
“Say hello, then,” Della said.
Robert looked up and saw his family: not the one he feared and hated, but the one who’d made their peace in ways he had yet to. His mother came forward first, followed by his father. Then he saw Tony, coming at last across the bridge to greet him. Robert felt at peace, calm and happy. He liked the feeling and knew he could get used to it quite easily, particularly with everyone else here.
“Forgive me, Robert,” his mother said. “I should have been there for you. I wasn’t. I’ve been waiting a long time to say this.”
Robert’s father and Tony nodded and their faces expressed contrition of their own. Tony walked up to Robert, took his shoulder and looked into his eyes. “You can stay, if you want,” he said. “It’s up to you.”
“That’s what Della said. And what happens if I decide not to stay?” He turned to Della.
“You have choices, Robert. You always did. I can bring you back. You’ll be paralyzed and badly burned, but the people who love you on the other side won’t care. They’ll want you back no matter what. That’s the nature of their love. Or…” Della looked across her shoulder at Robert’s family. “You can stay here, be a family again. Enjoy the peace, their love and yours. But you should remember there are prices to pay for each decision. If you choose to live, you’ll be in pain and crippled for the rest of your life. You’ll make a big difference in that world and others will benefit. But, you will not.”
Robert nodded. “And if I stay, what’s the price I pay?”
Della shook her head. “It’s not the price you pay. It’s the price others pay. You’ll be gone from their lives and you’ll leave a gaping hole where you once stood. Alice, Maggie and Della will grieve your loss for the rest of their lives. They’ll eventually move on, but they will never be the same. You died before your time.”
“I see.” Robert pondered. “What if I want to do both, stay and leave? I want to make things right for people like Della and me. I want to feel my life was worth something, but I don’t want to live like a cripple. I want another chance. What can I do?”
Tony smiled. “You have another option, if you’re the patient type. I never was, but I know you were. A part of you can stay, not all of you though. And a part of you can go back, but not the same way.” He shrugged. “Best option on the table.”
Robert smiled and nodded. “Yes,” he said. “I understand. Della, will you help me?”
“Of course, Robert. That’s why I’m here. It’s your decision, but I’ll help you get to where you need to go.”
Robert walked to his family. “I’ll be back soon,” he said. He hugged them all, one by one. Then he turned to Della and put his arms around her, feeling safe in her embrace. “Is there some way you can let Alice know how much I love her?” he asked.
“I think she already knows,” Della replied.
“Alright then.”
“Ready?”
“Yes, I’ve decided.”
Robert opened his eyes. Around him doctors and nurses in green scrubs cleaned up blood and began to suture open wounds. He opened his mouth and screamed.
“Oooh!” The doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital held him up, cut the umbilical cord and slapped his tiny bottom. “You little loud mouth, you! What a pair of lungs, huh?” He smiled. This guy is going to make a lot of people very happy, won’t you Robert? Oh, your aunt Alice is going to have a field day.” He held the child and winked.
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